Loves is all around us,so lets grab a drop and hold it forever..x

[8 years later]

Becky’s point of view

I still have no idea why I turned him down..but now im bigger than him and also more personal to the fans… and now he’s wanting my help…..i don’t love him anymore and I broke of contact with all the guys…….damm my life is soo messed up…….tomorrow I’ll think about the message.

Rachel’s point of view

“FRANK GET YOUR LASY ARSE HERE PRONTO!” I shouted at the top of my lungs I swear ever since the ‘thing’ with Becky leaving me and frank have become ‘one’. To be honest I do miss her that’s why I sent her a text last night……I don’t really know if I want a reply I know either way one of us will regret the text and now im that person.

“What do ya want babes…im trying to sleep its 6am on a Sunday”

“I texted Becky last night an-“

“You did what? o.O you’ve spoken to her? Why now why not when she left? Why oh why now? Does Gerard know? Are you going to tell him?”

“Wait one thing at once Frankie…yes I’ve spoken to her..Sort of, because now is her birthday, no Gerard doesn’t know and I will do in the future.”

“But you have to tell him……it was his wife that left-“

“Not wife frank they were together but she turned him down remember?”

“Good as babe…….you got a reply yet?

[Hey Rach my sexy lover answer my freaking text love]

“Scary……… she just texted me”

“What does it say?”

You know I am not coming back…..

I’m sorry for leaving with no warning and I’m not going to

Say sorry to Gerard because I done nothing wrong…

I hope can you see that….I do miss you and I’m soo close, yet soo far.

Xx

<3 xxwebbobitchxxx

“Now are you going to tell him?”

“Er…-“

“Er? You have to….you’ve been friends with her since she was 9….she’s 27 now that’s 18years…..can’t you see it?”

“No leave it Frank I’m going out”

[DOOR SLAMS]

How can she say that she’s not sorry? She left here on her birthday and left Gerard hanging…..I know what this means but I don’t want to lie to anyone…Gerard’s going to kill me…..im soo close, yet so far…she’s in Newark a place where we used to go and think about everything, a place on your on. I’ts only 5 miles away but I have no idea if she wants to know me it’s been so long and I’ve changed a bit and I know Becky changes so freaking much in a month let alone 8 bloody years!!

[TIME ELAPSE]

Becky Point of View

This crowd is really mental and im the controller of the crowd tonight. Ah I am so lucky to have left all those years ago…this is the most ‘rawr’ crowd I’ve seen in 10 years…..it’s just fucking amazing…but it would be even better if Mum and Dad were here….Or even Simon but that’s life Mum is in Australia having fun with the family and Dads in NJ and Simon is on the Europe tour and I’m left with a fucking awesome crowd.

Why did I reply to Rachels txt? I’ve just given away where I am. And if franks with her then I know he’s going to tell Gerard and I know he’ll try and come and get answers and im not going to give him any…not right now….not ever. I just left because I was pregnant and he asked me to marry him…. I was only  19 and the life I had was was like a dream come true…but I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him….i have to stop thinking about the ‘thing’.

“SO I SAID YOU WANNA HEAR A NEW SONG?”

Crowd:”YEAH”

“GIVE ME A FUCK YOU IF YOU WANNA HEAR ANSWERS”

“FUCK YOU!!

As I leave, you don’t ask why

When I lay crying in my own lies

Then I look and see you want help

My help,

Oh this is gonna be SWEET

It’s been so long,

Still no answers!

All the time waiting wanting finding my WAY

Out of this life

Shut up just stop the lies

That you keep talking

Stop the lies from hearts that’s breaking

SHUT IT UP

With all the answers

Never know…what they even are

All I want is these damm answers

Too hard to even tell you

It’s black rock to see you drinking

Its black rock for these answers

[Spoken]

To hard to give you answers

Its black rock to see you drinking

Its hurts to see you using...

So...

Bring true rock and metal and punk back

Let’s drink all the alcohol till we're alcoholics

 And use up all the drugs off the American sidewalks

“COME ON NEWARK TELL US WE SUCK”

“YOU SUCK”

“AWW SEE WE’RE THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO LOVE TO HATE”

That was the best show I have done……but now my stomach hurts like hell but I haven’t eaten in 2 days just drank coffee…mmmmm coffee I really need some but Starbucks is shutL and the coffee machine of the bus is fucked and oh yeah they don’t supply you with a coffee thing in the dressing room.

[OUTSIDE NEAR TOUR BUS]

“Babes….BECKY!?”

“fuck!”

(Becky turns round)

“Gerard…….”

“Babes it’s you fuck I thought you were dead”

“Erm.. hi Gee”

“whats happened you’ve changed”

“yeah….how did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t James the photographer is one of my friends and said there was a fuckin amazing band and he needed help to get pictures of them”

“Oh…how did you know that I am well me?”

“I haven’t seen you in 8 years but your walk hasn’t changed…babes I still love you”

“…….Fuck”

WTF ARE YOU DOING TO LYN-Z?!?!

This woman is basically like WOW, you know when you start having a go for no reason it upsets her and also pisses me off!

Lindsey is really sweet and is amazingly 'normal' yes i said 'normal', she's a plain Jane, she might not be the perfect woman for Gerard but none of us can say anything against her because we don't know her like Gerard or Kitty does do we?

NO!

Yes this is almost the same as the one i done for Eliza Cuts but STUFF YOU!

LINDSEY is here to STAY, she is here for the REAL fans of hers. I have nothing against her and she is so sweet it's shocking, and i still can't understand quite why people are calling her FAKE,POSER,TART,USER because honestly she isn't any of them...don't you see that?

Yes she might annoy you, but i don't know why...could it be because she is sweet and honest and keeps promies? or maybe because she is with 'YOUR' man? or even because you don't get what she is or why she is here?

People this is annoying for me and yes i do know Lindsey not personal but i have connections to other celebs and realy it hurts to see you attack them for no apparent reaosn.

AGH now do you understand?

Well yesturday night (friday the 12th ctober) Hannah and myself went to see MSI at the Waterfront in Norwich. The show was fucking amazing and i feel like m side of the crowd hated me as Jimmy kept cing over the me and i held his mic, as amazing as it was i was shocked...Jimmy has some scary ass hair and its only one colou and him yanking my arm up i didn't know what he was doing to me!

LINDSEY(LYN-Z) she was almost like my camera whore for the night, I'm standing front row camera clicking awayand each time i tried to get a picture of Kitty or Steve or even Jimmy she came into camera view! it's fantastic because she is uber flexiable and the back-bends made me go 'mmmmmm....that looks like that hurts' but i took like loads of pics of her.Also after the show she gave me a nickname-FRONT ROW GIRL-and strangely enoughshe knew who i was...when the show finished we had a picture taken and i questioned her about being lindseyxxx on buzzet and she shot me the 'i know youfrom there fuck' loook and then said no :( but what she tod me on messages came true last night so make your mind up!

KITTY she was just so WOW that woman knows how to shop, she was just so amazing she was so polite to me after the show she just talked+talked to me and Hannah until she got called away and then she came back..thats what  call devotion to fans! Whilst talking to her she signed my arm ticket and bag and now all 3 things i don't want to loose ever! be fre the show she went shopping and she has a soul like a teenager and she is so open and she wants to come play at Norwich again and i don't blame her it rocks here!

JIMMY was just so mental and i have made soo many people jelouse of my hand and arm! also people are jelouse of Hannahs cheek as he kissed it..that guy is so damm freaky hes amazingly normal! all night i trying to get pictures of him but all i got was either his hair or the celing due to him standing on things on stage.He signed mt ticket but not my arm:( but he did lick my arm and my hand so i gave him a kiss and threw my tie on stage...and he took it off stage with him.

STEVE was so stevey like.Moving around on stage like a drugged up Jimmy crossed with Kitty he just was so funny to watch.He singed everything of mine and he gave me his pick which will be used when i play my bass.He layed on stage with me shouting 'STEVE GET OVER HERE I NEED U TO SIGN TIS PLEASE!' with that he finally got upand came over..i took his picture and he wasn't to happy as he wasn't ready but he let me keep it anyway.

Overall the show was amazing and Hannah and I didn't ant to leave, Mindless Self Indulgence are so sweet its almost the opposite of what you think they'd be.Unfortunitly i forgot to give Lindsey her card but it's just geat to know i've met my Hero's wife who is uber awsome who is also a herroin(?)of mine. I'm so sorry this is long but this is only half of the night, you really needed to be there to understand the night and the experience was freaking awsome.I hope they come back soon and next time i'll find away to get backstage and speako the band more, they seriously are so good words can't explain them.

xxwebbobitchxxx

or as LYN-Z calls me

FRONT ROW GIRL!

all these years i was hiding in the darkness away from you but really i should of came out and just told you i was alive.....you just don't get it do you? i got told if i was dead you would love me more but.....i guess they we're wrong everyone was wrong.....i bet if you saw me now.....would you even know me? i've changed so much i look like the living dead to everyone but...i dunno...your smile lit up my heart...now it's all over.....for better?....NO it's for worse...i can't even hear your name without wanting to kill those people.....they made me think that if i was dead you'll love me more,over and over again.....well do you?....i'm fed up with the secrets we're keeping....i know that you know im living a life of hate and im hurting so bad.....i wanna touch your face and smell the scent of smoke...is this too much to ask for?....are you telling them or am i?....you know i'll do it......they keep telling my friends you now only love me because i'm 'dead' who's lying?....i'm fed up wiht this...you tell them or i'll emerge and i'll scare them...scare you...i hope you feel the darkness i feel all the time....guess what....i don't love you anymore....it's true....and this knife in front of me hold the key.....i need to find myself a new life....your killing this one....i'm killing your dreams...i kill the people who lied.....enough is enough Gerard you kicked me out......they told you i was dead....thats when you stared loving me......well....nomore

xx Frank

*whack*

Gerard: sorry automatic reaction

Frank: it’s ok, it’s my mate, Keith. He hates bisexuals and gay people

Gerard:  Your mates with him?

Frank: WAS…unfortunately we share this house.

Gerard: poor you, but understandable.

Frank: really? I love this house but…

Gerard: but what?

Frank: I dunno…it’s never felt the same since the day we got pissed out of our skulls and made out…ya’know?

Gerard: Frankie I-I was never pissed I done it free will…sorry

Frank: well I was pissed but I remember it, and I seriously never wanted it to end.

Gerard: me neither, luckily we did, the guys would of found out that I liked well……fancied you

Frank: same here, im sorry *giggles*

[FRANK P.O.V]

Ok so we went to the interview that Brian arranged, that man always gets us these interviews; the lady was fucking hot, mind you not as hot or sexy as Gerard. Ok we got asked ‘Ferard’ questions and it’s quite hard to answer them, I kiss Gerard 1 because I like it, 2 because the crowd seem to like it and 3 because I can. After the questions I brought Gerard back to mine and well as soon as he gave me the ‘sweet shit’ look I wanted to kiss him really really badly, he really doesn’t know how much I l love him. He sends tingerly sensations down my entire body I can’t tell him, he’ll freak out. Well we’ve just had the best sex ever; he was just so unexplainable it’s like my biggest dream come true. So I asked him to marry me because I’ve known him for 5 years and well been best friends all that time and as we just made out and told each other how much we love each other and I though it was a great idea, he said yes oh god I am the luckiest guy in  the world. Seriously I am. Anyway im going to the studio to play my guitar and make-out with Gerard, I really seriously love him, and the guys are there as Gerard going to tell them. I know he’ll make sure Mikey is sweet with it before we tell Ray & Bob. Damm he is so sweet. Gerard just asked me to his house, I swear it’s going to be amazing, he makes my heart skip a beat every time I see him and I know I smile when his name is mentioned. I really am deeply in love with him; ok I need to stop blushing it’s starting to turn him on. We can’t have sex in front of the guys can we?

[end of p.o.v]

MIKEYS P.O.V

Ok so last year we all got drunk and my brother and Frank made-out and like ever since then they’ve been kissing onstage and onstage only, which to be honest is quite funny as frank is smaller than Gerard so he has to stand on his tip-toes. I think they have feelings for each other, I swear they do. They never go round peoples places if they’ll be the only guests there, or hang out with each other, or be in the same room without another person there, scary don’t you think? Or because they have feelings. Well either way my brother will tell me, he’d never lie to me would he? Whatever goes on with them, I hope like if they had feelings either one would tell me, I don’t want to be the one that finds out after everyone else. I hate that shit. Ok that door that got put up like 5 days ago is really pissing me off; Brian is never hanging up another door for anyone else in this world!!

‘hey mikes can I speak to you?’

‘yeah sure whats up?

‘er..you know last year me and frank got drunk and made out’

‘yeah’

‘well I wasn’t drunk I done it out of free will’

‘you did what??

’

‘I kissed frank’

‘ok are you er….’

‘ bisexual…yeah I am I guess’

‘wow I didn’t see that coming’

‘yeah me neither but me and Frank are now an item’

‘you are?! That’s a bit freaky but I’m so happy for you, seriously I am Gerard’

‘are you sure? Because if you are then you’ve just made mine and Franks day’

‘I’ve made your day? Wow that’s really cool, I love you Gerard, and I look up to you and everything you do’

‘so are you really happy for us?’

‘yes I am, your starting to sound like mom now, so stop it’

‘ok well thank you and I love you to’

[end of p.o.v]

hey just to let you guys know, go read rachel and brina's fanfict on the rachel+brina page, it's really good! And also go read Rachels Fanficts.. back to her old ones in her blog thing and read them all, i swear they their ff are drugs beause im addicted. xx

YA'KNOW MCR,FOB,P@TD,MSI A ATREYU ARE ALL SWEET AS!!

GERARD P.O.V

So I well Frank called Becky up for me, I couldn’t call her up something about asking her to marry me over the cell isn’t quite right is it? Well I asked her and I really really wanted her to say yes but, she didn’t she said no, I got no reason either. A-am I such a real bad boyfriend? I mean……wait I don’t know if I was she’ll tell me right? Damm I need a fag, damm Frankie for using my last one, fuck I really love her why oh why did I do it over the cell, face to face would be better. Well I tried I failed like every other relationship I’ve been in, I’m just another face in the crowd to everyone, even to Becky.

“Dude I heard your conversation I’m so sorry dude, I thought well yes” Frank said sympathetically 

“same here, I love her so much but I’ll get over it, I never got an answer, maybe too quick but I dunno, I’ll sort it out, it’s not like she hates me…does she?” Gerard said looking confused

“Dude what the fuck she loves you, jeeze I know that we all know that, even the kids know she loves you, we’ll get through this” frank replied looking Gerard in the eyes

“Er… ok but us?” Gerard said looking frank in the eyes searching for an answer

“Yeah us, you’re my best mate and like im here always for you ok?” said frank looking at his cell

“Yeah thanks do you know why she-“

“No, rach does but I don’t want to know, your life is your life I don’t want to know ok?”

“Yeah frank what could I do without you?

“I don’t know well I gotta go and pack, you still coming?”

“Err.. I don’t know I…yes yeah im coming go-go and pack dude”

BECKY P.O.V          

I can’t believe I said no, ah im such an idiot, I know I love him but I can’t, god I’ve known him since I was 15 and im 20 and I can’t say yes……god I think I’m falling out of love with him. Hey this cannot happen I really cannot fall out of love can I? God this is awkward now I need Rachel to promise she won’t tell, she can’t I trust her to much. Ok im making a mountain out of a mole hill right now.

“Rachel you off my cell now?!

“Yeah I am….you really need to tell him Becky”

“I know I-I-I can’t it hurts too much to see him breakdown”

“You have to do it, tell him or I will……it’s not fair he loves you so much, you’ve known him for 5 years”

“I know I’ve known him five years I can’t just turn around and tell him and for him to say’ babe it’s ok we’ll get though this I’ll help, it’s ok I love you’”

“I’m sorry I can’t keep this a secret he’s still coming over with frank, I can’t keep it from frank they have a right to know, please, please tell him Becky, your life is on the line here”

“I know that’s why I…….I can’t tell him, it’s going to hurt him but it’s going to kill me, neither of us can take that on right now”

“You need to tell him before I tell frank I mean it Becky they’ll notice soon, its serious”

“I know I just I dunno what to say”

“Tell him the truth and it happens every day”

“IM FUCKING PREGNANT WITH HIS KID YEAH THAT HAPPENS EVERYDAY!”

Gerard: whatcha doing today? *grabs fags*

Frank: er.. studio for a hour or two then here *grabs Gerard’s fag +lights it*

Gerard: ok so kisses for two hours and hit then my house?

Frank: your house sounds great, I have no Pj’s you destroyed them a hour ago and the guys?

Gerard: don’t need pj’s and they’ll look and see were together and I’ll have…..sorry we’ll show them how much we mean it!

Frank: yeah, ok this is like way way too soon but will you marry me like later on?

Gerard: nope *shakes head* (frank looks at floor + puts ring back) I’ll marry you now, coz it’s not too soon and never will be

Frank: truthfully?

Gerard: fuck yes!

Frank: ok   Gerard Arthur Way will you do the honour of being my husband?

Gerard: Frank Anthony Iero yes but I do mind because your way too cute and sweet for me and YESS I’LL FUCKING MARRY YOU

Frank: keep it a secret?

Gerard: the guys and parents

Frank: no one else

Gerard: no one else. I dunno about you but I like what I see but im getting cold

Frank: *giggles* yeah same here

(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)

*door opens*

Keith: FRANKIE YOU DIR-

LATER AT FRANKS HOUSE

Gerard: uh frank come here I need your help

Frank: sure ooh Gerard do u want a beer?

Gerard: nope you?

Frank: wrong beer *looks at Gerard shyly*

Frank: ok I know your straight man and im well not I bat for both sides but you do                  look really sexy in boxers it has to be said

(Gerard grabs jeans)

Gerard: *smirks* Frankie I’m not well im not straight im like you, I thought you could tell? And you’re the first person I’ve told

Frank: no but when u kis-

Gerard: *grabs franks arse and pulls him into a passionate kiss* like that?

Frank: yeah, that’s when you think it…wait did we just?

Gerard: *smirks* yeah sorry I shouldn’t have, frank come in here *pulls frank to bed* lay with me and play….

Frank:*lays on top* lay I will play…well we both will do that, Gerard can I kiss you…passionately? If I can’t im going to because I love you. Don’t know if you love me but I do fucking love you Gerard.

(frank and Gerard share passionate kiss)

Gerard: durr Frankie, I love you *unbuttons franks pants*

Can I…….we……make-

Frank: only if I can as well, not fun when only one of us plays

*both take pants and boxers off*

Gerard: aww hun will you be-

Frank: boyfriend? Then yes I love you so much

Gerard: really? Because I know you so well and I…I can’t picture you with anyone else.

Frank: same here *plays with Gerard*

Gerard: uh, uh, mmm uh

Frank: nice?

Gerard: yes *plays with franks penis* more?

Frank: if you do that again im gonna have to pounce on you

Gerard: so if I do this *sucks*and this *kisses passionately*

Frank: *moans* yes im gonna have to do this *gets on top*

Gerard: I like it…

Frank: like this *hoes in hard* hey ierogasim?

Gerard: *breathless* yes…yeah …you went …oh soft now…

(Frank hardens)

Frank: I know….. and you love it

   2 hours later

Frank: *gets out of bed* want a coffee babes?

Gerard: *pulls frank back* yes but I know you and me both need a kiss so you beeter stay or im gonna have to chase you!

Frank: well I do need a kiss but you can’t catch me, you mister look warn out,so I’ve done a good thing!

Gerard: yeah but I’m not warn out, looking at you gives me energy, coy or what?

Frank: no just mine ,get outta bed babes

Gerard: I gotta show u something

(Gerard gets out of bed)

Hey guys this is chapter 1 i know it's real small but i need more of you guys to read it, the more comments i get makes me want to write, chapter 2 will b up in a few mins just read this if you think i should continue comment-if not comment.Comment away!

Interviewer: so guys there is a lot of Ferard pics of kisses, are these put on for show or are you to together?

Ferard: Ferard?

Gerard: oh yeah I get it now Frank + Gerard combined aww that’s cute, and they are just for shows

Frank: yeah we have never done it off stage or on camera, the fans go mental for it onstage to see two guys kiss and we’re the only ones crazy enough to kiss.

Gerard: true……Frank has soft lips so it’s scary but feels weird, when he gets too close I’ll give him a smooch and he’ll back off, he also has a thing for sucking

Frank: sorry jeeze it’s kinda what I do to piss people off. I have soft lips? It’s coz I kiss the governments ass to much

Interviewer: ok last question. If u were to date a member of My Chem who would it be?

Ferard:Mikey!

Frank: seriously? Meh well everyone knows I would date sexy next to me (points to Gerard)

Gerard: seriously no man mikey my brother and ok scary enough I’d date shorty nest to me (points to frank) *hugs frank*

‘Becky is Gerard sorry but will you marry me?

‘Oh god…………..

‘ what is that a no? I really love you’

‘ I-I want to say yes but I don’t know if I can’

‘ok I just I-I-I im sorry I just thought that this was the best way to prove it to you how much I love you’

‘Gerard I’m sorry I really, really love you, but I can’t im sorry.’

‘ok sure never mind I understand, forget I asked’

‘no don’t you get it, I love you with everything but…..i don’t think this is the best thing, we’ve been through so much crap and this ain’t going to work im so so sorry can we just be a couple, like stay how we are?’

‘sure I just really wanted you to say yes, I sound corny now but…. I dreamed you’d say yes’

‘I’ve gotta go, im sorry, I love you’

‘same here bye,

*clicks*

RACHEL POV

So we just done this really really amazing show in NJ right and it’s for charity, it’s the best show we have done, we all out performed ourselves again and I doubt we can top this show, ever. Well Becky’s on the phone again, she is always on the damm cell jeeze I swear she should super-glue it to her ear, it’s always there. Ah oh well that’s Becky for you LOL. God I’m dying I wan that hug Frank owes me, I can’t believe he’s in America still, he said that he only had a month left but…..he lied either he didn’t know because Bob knows all that stuff or he just lied because I hate being off tour with My Chem those guys mean the world to me. That’s funny isn’t it?

‘LOL!’

‘What do u want now Rach?

‘Becky I just seen Frank on this MTV advert and I want hiiiiiimmmmmm’

‘Rach I swear your addicted to Frankie, just call him on my cell speak to him, I’ve just got off with Gerard and….’

‘and… what?

‘he asked me to marry him I said no’

‘why? You love him, to me it would be normal and made sense to say yes’

‘well… I can’t I love him so fuckin much but I just don’t want to get married now’

‘oh well how long before u meet up with him?’

‘Friday, they’re coming over the tours over’

‘Frank coming?’

‘yeah he’s home packing poor man he has more clothes than me, I have no idea where he keeps them, I’ve been in his room with Gerard and mikey and he has 1 wardrobe’

‘you’ve been in his room?! And only 1 wardrobe? Jeeze where does he keep them? I’ll ask maybe I’ll get the tour’

‘yeah I think he’ll give u the entire tour of EVERYTHING’

‘I’m off gonna get more coffee, I swear I’m an addict and then go on myspace ok?’

‘yeah u junkie, can I borrow your cell?

‘sure’

FRANK POV

Ok I over head the Becky and Gerard conversation I really wish I didn’t. To be honest Gerard is madly in love with Becky but I don’t know if, if those to got married I doubt that they will stay together I mean they both love each other but me and him kiss, sometimes a snogg like a passionate kiss and sometimes it’s a peck on the cheek. Would it hurt them? I know it hurts me when BRPD perform and Rachel, Becky and Hannah and Kristy all muck about and also Brina and Rachel kiss and grab arses, it’s for fans I know but it’s quite upsetting.

*ring,ring*

‘hey’

‘hey hunn how are you?’

‘yeah im ok you?’

‘I’m ok just been missing you like crazy and also my lovely guys and the bus seems really quiet and empty’

‘aww that’s really sweet, im missing you more though….but I do have your teddy that you left behind, it’s in my bunk, it’ll will always stay there, it reminds me of you.’

‘aww Frankie your too sweet, I got your txt but my cell died’

‘I gathered your on Becky’s cell which you never use, ah oh well did you hear about the Gerard asking Becky to marry him?

‘yeah she said no, and I-I-I’

‘you what? Know why?’

‘yeah but I’m not saying it’s their business not ours’

‘yeah true, I have news and I really can’t wait’

‘ok tell me’

‘im leaving on Thursday night to get to you for Friday, the tour ended tonight and well im gonna go home and pack’

‘oh ok I thought it was like me and u news’

‘it is babe I love you and miss you like crazy, im coming to see you, and also for you to pick it out’

‘pick what out?’

‘the outfit’

‘for what?’

‘a night out and a night in. Babe I’ve got to go sorry, I love you loads kiss kiss’

‘sweet love you kisses.

*click

‘Gerard?’

‘Yeah Becky?............

‘You didn’t call’

‘Im sorry…..time zones mess stuff up you know that’

‘I know im sorry for what I said…did you hear it, im so sorry I wa-‘

‘I know I heard and I got pissed off, I don’t want you to turn to alcohol it fucks you up well….. it fucked me up, im clean and I don’t touch that shit no more, promise me you wont turn to drink when this shit happens, promise me, I don’t want to loose you’

‘I promise, im sorry I…i…..i just didn’t want to speak to you….i thought…I dunno’

‘babes please tell me, I have to wait 3 more weeks till I see you and hug you and have personal time with you, I miss you so goddamm much even the guys miss you so im not the only crazy guy here’

‘I know, I miss you too, we miss you I just…..it’s something that’s gotta be told face to face, I’ll never hurt you but this is something that is going to hurt me more but scar you’

‘ok your getting me worried I just don’t want to loose you, I nearly lost you before, you got drunk and drove, remember you were 14 and done more stuff than I can do, I fell in love then, I’ve fallen again, it’s hard with what shit I have down inside that mikey knows, that I want to tell you, but it’s going to hurt’

‘I know you’ve got me crying I miss these stupid conversations’

‘Why? I just miss your voice’

‘I don’t know they just seem more stupid than face to face ones’

‘Ok, I gotta go show time in like 5 mins and well I haven’t told mikey im calling you’

‘Ok go but why haven’t told mikey he loves me?

‘No he just misses the conversations you have behind my backs, I swear he is female’

‘Why?’

‘he acts all girl like with you, it’s sweet I like seeing him happy, well I really go to go now I love you and won’t stop, ok?

‘Yeah ok I love you to, im off to do shit but go perform and u gotta watch mtv tomorrow at like 9pm your time’

‘Why? But ok’

*clicks shut*

Ok I feel really bad now, last night was well….. im not going into it because it hurts to talk about but I got drunk and had ago at Gerard, and wanted to die and lied to my mates and tried to kill myself all over the a memory. Ah oh well im glad that night is over, I don’t know how they are going to react, it’s like 3 in the morning and everyone is in their bunks sleeping and im here with Pirates Of The Caribbean playing on the telly and drinking the last of the 5 bottles of vodka Rachel bought. I hate lying to Gerard, he knows me too well and it’s hard to lie to him, the drink tastes so good I can’t put it down.

Well I hope Gerard tunes in if not I know frank will, he always turns the telly over to a channel I’m on, I think he either knows im on that channel or he just thinks I like seeing myself. Ok we’re playing like this show……it means a lot to me; we’re doing it for cancer research some of my family died of cancer so this is the touchy show. I wrote the set list down and it’s nearly all covers haha I never thought this band would do shows with cover songs, they are and also our songs

• MCR-Desert Song
• Aiden-We Sleep Forever
• Frank Sinartra-My Way
• Smashing Pumpkins-Tonight Tonight
• BRPD-Life Lesson
• BRPD-Lost in the cycle of death

I just a, really ‘emo’ over this show but they are the songs we will perform and we are doing 1 My Chem song not because me and Rachel are dating 2 members of My Chem but because that is the only song I can sing better than Gerard. The first time I sang in front of them and my band were watching I sang the Desert Song and every one kept saying I sing it better than Gerard, but he has never believed them or me, he has never heard me perform it, he was doing an interview so I hope he’ll agree with the others.

*later in NJ*

Finally we are in NJ and MTV have been nice enough to come and air the show from here, we told them well in fact I shouted at them because they started going on about how the show is stupid because the proceeds we’re going to charity. Well anyway they are here and in about an hour we’ll start performing and then after the show we have a live interview to do then Rachel will be singing her ultimate favourite song by MCR-Astro Zombies, they are lucky she never sings but her voice is amazing. Anyway we’re in this dressing room which is actually this old lorry’s trailer, it’s funny because it’s painted orange, bob loves oranges, ah I miss the guys they would love this show.

*bleeeppp*

‘Er hi frank I’m sorta busy call me later’

‘Sorry but this can’t wait’

‘Ok make it quick’

‘Becky is Gerard sorry but will you marry me?

‘Oh god…………..

You know it’s hard me and Becky have been an item for a while and it’s I dunno awkward for me. Becky has this band which honestly is a kick ass band, they play amazing music and the girls seem to have as much fun as we do but this past yeah, it’s got scary. Rachel is the guitarist in the band with Becky who is on bass and Kristy on guitar and Brina on drums, and we do help them out sometimes, but I keep having the visions of when I met Becky. Is that alright I mean it was fucked up but whatever.

Becky is was like my closest mate when we er….found each other, I mean I was scared so fucking much I didn’t even want to  open the door. Now it’s like I can’t let her out of my site. Ok she’s in Europe at the moment on tour with Aiden and this other band but she really means a lot to me, ever since the time we met and she told me everything and her falling out with her brother and getting cut out of the family, I really miss her. I called her today, I totally forgot they are in England at the moment and she didn’t answer, I thought we’d done something wrong, we never fall out but she didn’t pick up, Rachel did, she didn’t seem happy and I think Becky was drunk, I heard her voice but it sounded in a pissy tune.

*ring,ring*

‘hey’

‘hi Gerard’

‘Can I speak to becky please?’

‘no’

‘why?’

‘because she doesn’t wan to talk, she’s told me everything, honestly I don’t know what she sees in you or why she told you, you done nothing’

‘wait I done everything to help her, I love her, I wouldn’t hurt her’

‘I HATE HIM, HE DOESN’T LOVE ME, IF HE DOES WHY DID SIMON SAY HE HATES ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HIM? I LOVE GERARD WHY DOES HE HATE ME?’

‘put her on the cell, I need to speak to her, I fucking love her, please’

*click*

It’s crazy I love her so, so much I’d give anything for her here but she is doing the thing she loves, I can’t take that away, I can take the booze but I know if I do, im taking the family fully away, they cut her out, we’re dating it’s like im the only family she has, I know her family used to go out drinking, she told me, I can’t take that away can I? Should I? Fuck no I love her I don’t wan to hurt her or cause damage to her.

Anyway im suppost to be happy for her, I am but I don’t know what I’ve done. Anyway I have 1 month left of touring in America to do before I see Becky and the ‘gang’ we all miss them loads I know frank misses Rachel, the idiot hasn’t go the guts to tell us he LIKES her let alone tell Rachel, Bob misses Becky because he doesn’t drink anyone else’s Tea now and Mikey misses his best friend and also girlfriend Brina. We are so much like kids when we are together, we all get into fights god girls fights are the worst by far the other day the girls fought and well you know what they are like.

*WAKE THE MOTHERFUCKERS UP IT’S TIME FOR COFFEE*

Yes tonight is the last night of playing with these stand ins, my poor frank has a cold and all the songs we’re playing he sings and personally I don’t think people want to hear frank cough down a microphone, I don’t! well 2 hours till show time which means I need to get ready, call my lovely girl if we’re still a couple, play on the games which are next door and oh yeah drink my coffee.

Mikey: dude, Gerard what’s happening with Becky?

Me: nothing why?

Mikey: because I heard the call last night, she seemed pissed and angrier at you more than normal

Me: yeah I know last night 25.8.07 was the night her parents died and also that’s when she got cut out of the family and also her brother decided that he hated her, I knew that sometime she was gonna get pissed over it but I didn’t know it was going to be then.

Mikey: oh shit yeah I forgot, it seems like we’ve known her all our lives I didn’t know that was the night, shit man I wanna tell her im sorry

Me: your sorry? I miss her, I told her I’d cheer her up, I didn’t I forgot about the time zones and I promised I’d call I didn’t and simon messaged her wishing she was dead and I feel like I caused this.

Mikey: you didn’t cause anything.

*ring,ring,ring,ring*

‘Gerard?’

‘ yeah Becky?............

Becky and Rachel were once again on tour with My Chemical Romance, but this time Becky was playing also with her band. They were called ‘Black Rosed Polka Dots’ or ‘BRPD’ for short. Everyday the girls woke up on the ‘MCR’ bus this was normal, sharing bunks with their fiancés who blames them; talented couples together with l